Red Herring
by SupremeOverlordErin-chan
Summary: Short, misleading ficlets. How dirty minded are YOU?
1. Red Herring

**Red Herring**

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  I woke up with this plotbunny lying next to me.  At first I screamed in horror, but then I actually sat down and scribbled this out.  It's very short and pointless, it's also a concept that's been done over and over and over before.  But y'know, everyone has to write something cliché at least once in their life, right?

Pairings:  Tsuzuki x Tatsumi

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Tsuzuki being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

The door to Tatsumi's office crept open, and a sparkly pair of amethyst eyes peered inside the well-lit room.

"Can I help you, Tsuzuki-san?"  Tatsumi asked, looking up from his paperwork.  Tsuzuki stepped inside and locked the door behind him.

"You know what I want, Tatsumi," he said darkly.

"Tsuzuki-san?"  Tatsumi blinked in surprise.  He stood up as Tsuzuki moved around the desk to stand directly behind him.  Tatsumi turned around, and purple locked blue as Tsuzuki held Tatsumi's gaze, moving so they were mere millimeters apart.

"Give it to me, Tatsumi,"  Tsuzuki whispered.

"Tsu...Tsuzuki-san!"  Tatsumi took a step back, bumping into his desk.  "What...what are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about," Tsuzuki replied, moving in close again.  "You know very well what I'm talking about, stop pretending you don't."  Tatsumi's breathing became labored as Tsuzuki pressed against him, their noses almost touching.

"Give it to me, Tatsumi.  I want it—no, I _need_ it."

"Tsuzuki-san, it's inappropriate...especially here, in the office..."  Tatsumi trailed off as Tsuzuki's hands went wandering.

"Tsu...Tsuzuki-san!  Stop that!"

"I'm just trying to get at it, Tatsumi.  Since you won't just give me what I need, perhaps you want me to work for it?"

"N...no!  Stop!"

"Then give it to me, Tatsumi.  I need it."

"Tsuzuki-san…"

"I need to feel my mouth around it, Tatsumi.  I need to taste that sweetness…please.  Please, Tatsumi…" Tsuzuki begged huskily, leaning into Tatsumi.  Their faces so close each could feel the other's breath, Tatsumi finally wavered.  He couldn't stand it any longer.  He gave into the urges the younger man coaxed out of him.

"Fine!  Take it!  Just keep on task for the rest of the day, please?"  He opened a draw and took out a large lollypop and presented it to the younger man.  Tsuzuki squealed happily and bounced off.  Tatsumi shook his head and returned to his paperwork.

Lollypops in the office really were inappropriate...

~~~

What were you thinking?  You dirty YnM fans, you!  ;)


	2. Red Herring II

**Red Herring II**

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  *twitches violently* I can't believe you people wanted a sequel.  More importantly, I can't believe I _wrote_ a sequel.

Pairings:  Tatsumi x Tsuzuki

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Tatsumi being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Tsuzuki was doing his best to procrastinate.  He tried pointing at random items in an effort to distract Tatsumi's attention, but it wasn't working.

"Tsuzuki-san, please stop trying to avoid me," Tatsumi said, gently catching Tsuzuki's chin and turning the younger man's face towards him.

"But Tatsumi..." Tsuzuki trailed off.  

"You promised, didn't you, Tsuzuki-san?"  Tatsumi asked as he stepped in closer.  "You promised you'd do it for me."  He let Tsuzuki's chin go and the smaller man looked down.  He had promised, true.  He always kept his promises.

"It's just..." Tsuzuki shuffled his feet, a little embarrassed.  "It's just...I'm not very good at it.  I...just lack skills in that area."

"Tsuzuki-san..." Tatsumi's expression softened, "Tsuzuki-san, it just takes practise.  It's something you get better at the more you do it."

"But...I hate disappointing you..." Tsuzuki said softly.

"Tsuzuki-san, how could I possibly be disappointed?"

"You always look pained, like you're not enjoying it..."

"Nonsense," Tatsumi snorted gently, "look, I'll give you some advice, all right?  I'll go first and you pay attention to what I'm doing.  I know you don't like doing it, but you did promise, and I can't do it for you all the time without you repaying the favour every now and then."

"I know," Tsuzuki replied.

"So, when shall we do it?"  Tatsumi looked at the other man expectantly.  Tsuzuki tapped his chin in thought for a few moments.

"Don't suppose I could convince you to put it off until tomorrow?"  He asked carefully.  Tatsumi's glasses flickered.

"No, Tsuzuki-san," he said, "I'm growing desperate.  Very.  Desperate."

"Tatsumi..." Tsuzuki blinked up at the taller man.  "I had no idea you needed it so much..."

"Oh, I do," Tatsumi replied, leaning in towards Tsuzuki.

"You have no idea how much I need it," he said softly, in a tone that sent shivers down Tsuzuki's spine.

"Tatsumi..."

"In my office, on my desk, in fifteen minutes," Tatsumi said shortly.

"Fif...fifteen minutes?  So soon?"  Tsuzuki's eyes widened.

"Yes, Tsuzuki-san.  You can't put it off any longer.  That paperwork needs finishing today."  Tatsumi adjusted his glasses and walked off.  Tsuzuki winced noticeably.

Paperwork was such a pain in the neck.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!  Didn't you learn your lesson the first time?  :)


	3. Red Herring III

**Red Herring III**

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  Are you people MAD?  Stop encouraging me!  *sigh*  Anyway, I've broken the TatxTsu tradition with this one...damn!  I want to write more naughty TxT hints!  Oh well, maybe in the next one...(next one!?)

Pairings:  Watari x Tsuzuki

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Watari being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Tsuzuki had only meant to stop into Watari's laboratory for a moment.  He'd just wanted to say hello, not waste any time, certainly he never intended to end up in the position he now was.

"Wa...Watari...stop..." he gasped out, squirming around underneath the longhaired shinigami.

"Why?"  Watari asked casually, continuing what he was doing.  Tsuzuki whimpered and squirmed some more, his head thrashing from side to side.

"Don't you like it?"  Watari asked, pausing for a moment.  Tsuzuki took full advantage of that moment to catch his breath.

"It's not that," he said breathlessly, "it's just...well, on the floor, Watari?"

"What's wrong with the floor?"  Watari challenged, then recommenced the activity.  Tsuzuki howled and wriggled around like a fish out of water.

"God!  Watari..."

Watari's hands continued working their magic on the squirming man, causing a lot of squealing, whimpering, giggling and gasping to echo throughout the halls.  

At first it seemed like it wasn't attracting much attention, but it had attracted the attention of one secretary, and said secretary was making his way to Watari's laboratory in order to discover, what, exactly, was going on?

Tatsumi threw the door open and stared goggle-eyed at the scene on the floor.

"What in Hades is going on here!?" He would have shrieked, but Tatsumi is not the sort of person to shriek.  Watari scuttled off Tsuzuki and immediately chibified.  Tsuzuki also chibified and pointed an accusing finger in Watari's direction.

"Tatsumiiii~!"  Tsuzuki whined, "Watari was tickling me!  It was totally unfair!  I wasn't prepared or anything!  He just pounced on me when I walked in and started tickling me mercilessly!"

"Well you can't have hated it too much, judging by the way you were squealing like a little girl," Watari retorted, and stuck his tongue out at Tsuzuki.  Tsuzuki also stuck his tongue out in response.

Tatsumi rubbed his temples.  As if it wasn't enough that they were in debt up to their eyebrows, now Enmacho's employees were having tickle fights on company time?  He made a mental note to cut Watari's funding.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Don't tell me you _still_ fell for it, you dirty YnM fans!  :P


	4. Red Herring IV

Red Herring IV 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  Here is your freaking Muraki!  Are you all happy now!?  Incidently, these ficlets have become so popular I'm going to start updating them weekly, starting now :)

Pairings:  Tatsumi x Muraki (Kukuku...you all thought I'd give you some nice MurxTsu loving, didn't you?  *psychotic laughter*)

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Muraki being naughty (and a bad sport).

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

The sweat poured off both bodies like a waterfall.  Muraki strained against Enmacho's secretary, but he was losing and he knew it.  He grunted and pushed again, but Tatsumi responded strongly, pressing down on the doctor with inhuman strength.

"Im...impressive," Muraki choked out, then renewed his effort.  Again, Tatsumi pushed him down.

"I've had a lot of practise in this area," Tatsumi responded casually.

"Oh?"  Muraki asked, straining against the secretary in an effort to maintain his dignity.  It wasn't working.

"I suppose you practise with Tsuzuki-san?"  Muraki smirked, adjusting his position and pushing again.  He yelped as a shadow slithered up his leg, then glared daggers at Tatsumi.

"Trying to distract me, I see."

"Leave Tsuzuki-san out of it, then."

"Mm...I'm honored you wish to concentrate so fully on me," Muraki purred.  Tatsumi's reply to this was to press firmly against the psychopath, pushing him down firmly and holding him there.  Muraki swore.

"Such words, Muraki-sensei," Tatsumi said softly, "will not convince me to go easy on you.  In fact I'm rather enjoying seeing you so frustrated."

"I suppose you are," Muraki said, gritting his teeth.

Tatsumi pushed harder, grunting with the effort.  Muraki whimpered a little...it was really starting to hurt now.  His body was cramping up.

Finally, he couldn't stand it any longer. He gave in.  He let Tatsumi push him down, but just before it ended, he had an insight.  A brilliant idea, one that would rescue his dignity.

He kicked Tatsumi under the table.

Tatsumi yelped and lost concentration.  In that moment, Muraki slammed their hands down, and smirked triumphantly.

"You cheated!" Tatsumi accused, rubbing his shin.

"Cheated?  I?"  Muraki's smirk grew to grotesque proportions.  "Perhaps you have learnt your lesson.  No one beats me at arm wrestling."

"Well how can they if you cheat..." Tatsumi grumbled as Muraki stood and left.

~~~

What were you thinking?  You dirty YnM fans are so easy to tease.  *hearts*


	5. Red Herring V

Red Herring V 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  All right all right all right.  The TsuxHis fans have been hounding me.  Here you are.  But next week, we're back to doing what _I_ want, okay?  No more begging! P~ I'll get around to doing all pairings eventually anyway!  ...This doesn't mean I don't love everyone that's left reviews though.  Because I do! XD *hearts'n'hugs*  

Pairings:  Tsuzuki x Hisoka

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Tsuzuki being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Hisoka took a step backwards and felt the wall against his back.  He blinked his green eyes up at Tsuzuki pleadingly, nervous and somewhat frightened.  The larger man stepped in closer, smiling.  It was the smile that had Hisoka unnerved...it wasn't like Tsuzuki to look so...eager.

"Tsuzuki..."

"Shh, Hisoka," Tsuzuki said softly, "I said I'd go slowly with you, didn't I?  I'll make this as painless as possible."

"I...idiot..." Hisoka mumbled, "You make it sound like I'm scared..."

"You're allowed to admit it, Hisoka," Tsuzuki said huskily, "Everyone is scared the first time..."

Hisoka blushed and squirmed a little.

"You'll like it," Tsuzuki said encouragingly, "I'm sure of it."

"What if someone walks in and sees us?"  Hisoka asked, worried.

"We can lock the door, Hisoka."

Hisoka blushed a deeper shade of red and looked at his shoes.  Tsuzuki smiled gently and took the boy's hand, pulling him into an embrace.  Hisoka fidgeted a little, completely ignorant of where to put his hands.

"I don't know what to do..." Hisoka confessed softly.

"Don't worry," Tsuzuki replied, "I'll lead."

"Why do I have to be the girl anyway?"

"I'll let you be in charge next time, okay?"

"But I..."

"...don't know what to do, so let me show you."  Tsuzuki wrapped an arm around Hisoka's waist, pulling them close together.  Hisoka went all bug-eyed and squirmed away from the bigger man.

"Idiot!  What are you doing!?  Don't get so friendly..."

"Hisoka!  You can't learn to dance without getting close!  It looks really stilted and horrible if you hold each other at an arm's length!"

"You never said anything about cuddling!"  Hisoka accused.  "Forget it!  I don't need to know how to dance anyway.  I certainly don't need _you_ teaching me!"

"Hisokaaaa~!  Don't be so mean!"  Tsuzuki whined, sprouting puppy ears.  "Let me teach you how to dance!"

"No!  Idiot!"  Hisoka snapped then stomped off with the purple-eyed puppy trailing behind him.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!  ;)


	6. Red Herring VI

Red Herring VI 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  This one has been in my head for over two weeks now.  I LOVE HAKUSHAKU!  XD~

Pairings:  Hakushaku x Tsuzuki

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Hakushaku being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"Waaaah!"  Tsuzuki scrabbled away from Hakushaku as fast as he could, which unfortunately wasn't fast enough.  A gloved hand grabbed the back of his shirt and yanked him backwards, causing him to fall on his butt and look up into that freaky mask the Earl always insisted on wearing.

"My dear Tsuzuki-san, why are you running away?"  Hakushaku let a sadistic little laugh escape and stroked Tsuzuki's hair.

"Why do _I_ have to do this?"  Tsuzuki wailed.

"Because you _owe_ me, Tsuzuki-san…this is merely the beginning of your repayment."

Tsuzuki whimpered and cried like a little kid.  Hakushaku paid no heed, sadistic bugger he was.

"On your knees, Tsuzuki-san!"  Hakushaku cackled, obviously enjoying this.

"I...I don't need to get on my knees for something like this!"  Tsuzuki whined.

"Of course you do," Hakushaku beamed, "it's not nearly as fun if you don't!"

"But it's humiliating!"  Tsuzuki complained.

"Another joy," Hakushaku sighed happily.

Tsuzuki mumbled something unflattering under his breath, but realized he wasn't escaping anytime soon.  He obediently got on his knees and fumbled around for a moment.

"I can't see it..." he said, flustered.

"You're not trying very hard," Hakushaku accused.

"I am too!"  Tsuzuki pouted.  He fumbled around a little more, then realized he wasn't getting anywhere.

"What does it look like, anyway?"  Tsuzuki asked suddenly.

"What do you think, Tsuzuki-san?"  Hakushaku said, exasperated.  "It looks like they normally do—long and cylindrical."

"Oh.  Right," Tsuzuki nodded, then fumbled around more.  Finally, his hand brushed something fitting the description.  His fingers scrabbled at it, trying to get a hold.  Finally he had it in his grasp!

"I found it!"  He sang, holding it up like a trophy, "I found your pen, Hakushaku!"

"Already?"  Hakushaku felt truly disappointed.  He'd hidden that pen himself, in an effort to keep Tsuzuki on the floor for longer so he could admire his fine rear.  He made a mental note not to underestimate the purple-eyed shinigami ever again.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Ah, but I pity the dirty YnM fans, for Hakushaku is always so naughty ^n.n^


	7. Red Herring VII

Red Herring VII 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  A huge huge huge HUGE sankyuu to Ree for the idea behind this one, it was really fun to write!  I love TatxHis…and you do too, admit it!  This one is pretty easy to guess what's going on, but hopefully the next one will be harder ^-^  This was finished in time for the usual Saturday upload, but because ff.n was down for the split into two sites, you're getting it late.  To quote Han Solo, "It's not my fault!"

Pairings:  Tatsumi x Hisoka

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Tatsumi being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

The soapsuds fluttered around in the air like gentle insects, adding a serenity to the scene that wouldn't have been there normally.  Hisoka had to forcibly stop himself from humming a random happy song and blowing at the bubbles on the water's surface.  It was nice to be able to relax without Tsuzuki bugging him constantly for once.

The door crept open and Hisoka blinked rapidly as Tatsumi entered.  Obviously the secretary hadn't realized Hisoka was in there…or had he?  He probably did…not much went on that Tatsumi didn't know about.  But that would mean…

"Do you need any help, Kurosaki-kun?"  Tatsumi asked softly.

"Eh…ehh?"  Hisoka reddened, looking up at the older man.

"Just offering," Tatsumi said, picking a towel off the floor and folding it.  Hisoka felt his face become even hotter and he focussed his gaze on the bubbles.

"On second thought, yeah.  You can help me," Hisoka said suddenly, then pointed to the towel Tatsumi was holding.  "Since you've got it, why don't you use it?"  he said huskily.

"Are you sure you don't need help in…other areas?"  Tatsumi asked with a smile, inclining his head towards the water.  Hisoka tried to control the blush that threatened to flare up again.

"I'm…sure…I think…"  he stuttered, then squeaked a little as Tatsumi's hand wandered into the water, grasped a sponge and started playing along Hisoka's arms in order to find the real target beneath the soapy bubbles on the surface that obscured the view.

"Ta…Tatsumi-san…" Hisoka choked.

"Mm?  What is it?"  Tatsumi asked, looking at the young man with an amused smile.  

"You…really don't have to…do that…" Hisoka gulped.

"You shouldn't have to do something like this on your own," Tatsumi replied.

"Hisoka?  Tatsumi?"  Tsuzuki stuck his head in the door, then his eyes bugged out.

"No way!"  He squealed, "Tatsumi and Hisoka are washing the office's dishes together!?  How cute!  I wanna take a photo!  _Wakaba-chan!  Can I borrow your camera!?  Come here, look!  It's cute!_"

"_IDIOT!_"  Hisoka screeched.  Tatsumi threw a towel in Tsuzuki's face.

"Since you're here, you can dry," the secretary said mildly.

~~~

What were you thinking?  You dirty YnM fans, maybe we should get Tatsumi and Hisoka to wash your minds in the sink! 


	8. Red Herring VIII

Red Herring VIII 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  This seemed to good to be true.  Not only did I *want* to do Hakushaku x Tatsumi, but I had a couple of people ask for it!  And of course Panatlantic basically told me not to do it under any circumstances, so I _have_ to.  I'm contrary like that.  

Pairings:  Hakushaku x Tatsumi

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Hakushaku being naughty (but when isn't he?).

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Hakushaku resisted the urge to gloat.  Not only did he have Enmacho's secretary here begging for some extra funding, but his hidden security cameras were catching it all on video.  This would make for excellent blackmail material later on.

"I suppose I could come up with something," Hakushaku said in the most condescending tone he could muster, "if perhaps you could organize something for me involving Tsuzuki-san…?"

"PERVERT!"  Tatsumi screeched, preparing for battle.  Hakushaku sweatdropped and retracted his statement.

"All right then, YOU can…_service_ me," Hakushaku cackled evilly.  Tatsumi sweatdropped.  Maybe coming here wasn't such a bright idea after all.

"…service?"  Tatsumi asked hoarsely.

"Indeed," Hakushaku said cheerfully, "there is something that I need done that no one is brave enough to attempt…but I think a man such as you may be able to handle it."

Tatsumi considered running away…in a dignified manner, of course.  But no, he came here to get extra funding, so if he had to do whatever it was Hakushaku wanted him to…fine.  He would suffer.  He just hoped the rest of Enmacho appreciated it.

It started out easy enough.  Just follow directions, get on with the job, nothing to worry about.  For the first couple of hours, anyway.  Until they finally got around to the "toys".

"Why do you need three different versions of the same whip?"  Tatsumi asked suspiciously.

"One's patent leather, one's PVC, and the other is fabric," Hakushaku explained, "each one gives a completely different experience!"

"Right," Tatsumi deadpanned, "and the skimpy frontless maid outfit?"

"It goes well with the body harness."

"Body harness."

"Yes.  That particular one comes with free nipple clamps."

"Ni…nipple clamps?"  Tatsumi choked out, the colour draining from his face.

"Of course!"  Hakushaku nodded, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.  "Everyone needs nipple clamps!"

Tatsumi did not seem to agree.  He tried to change the subject, but only came face to face with…

"_Nine Gates of Hell!?_"  Tatsumi shrieked.

"An important accessory!"  Hakushaku proclaimed.

Tatsumi passed out.  He didn't care how far in debt Enmacho was anymore, he was never offering to balance Hakushaku's budget ever again.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans.


	9. Red Herring IX

Red Herring IX 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.  Apologies to the product mentioned.  I'm sure it was never meant to be used in this manner, but if it wasn't, what is UP with those TV ads?

Notes:  This is actually an in-joke with some of my friends, but hopefully you'll enjoy it anyway ^n.n^  I might as well corrupt the entire fandom.  I mean, why should just my friends get all the fun?  …and oh my god, writing this was too much fun to be legal XD 

Pairings:  Oriya x…himself???  Muraki voyeur-wannabe XD

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Muraki being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Oriya stepped into the shower with a relieved sigh.  Finally, some peace and quiet that couldn't be interrupted by anyone.  It wasn't exactly polite to walk in on someone while they were naked, was it?  This was his thinking time.

It was also his time for some…personal pleasure.

He slid his hand over his body, savouring the sensations and letting a soft moan escape his lips.  The water cascaded off his body, thrilling in it's own subtle way.  Then his hand moved to _that_ zone of his body, fingers playing through the dark hair, teasing slowly and deliciously.

He whimpered as wave after wave of pleasure flowed through his body, the soapy lather sliding down the curves of his muscles and swirling around with the water in the shower recess.

"Uh…ye…yes!"  Oriya hissed, his fingers unconciously tightening.  "Yes!  Yes!  YES!"

"Oriya?"  Muraki called, sliding the bathroom door open, "Are you doing what I think you're doing?"

"Huh?"  Oriya looked up in surprise, then went ballistic.

"_What the hell do you think you're doing!?_"  He screeched, "_And how long have you been standing there!?  Have you been **watching** me, you pervert!?_"

"No, I wasn't," Muraki sniffed, "I was considering it, though.  So are you?"

"Am I what?  Quit staring at my body like that."

"Are you…you know…" Muraki made a couple of gestures with his hand.  Oriya blinked and raised an eyebrow.  Muraki rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Well, what are you doing that was causing you to be so vocal?"  Muraki asked instead, wondering just when his best friend had gotten so thick in the skull.  Oriya blinked again, then gave a smile that made Muraki's head hurt from all the sparkles.

"I'm washing my hair, of course!"  Oriya replied, grabbing a bottle and flashing it in Muraki's direction.  "Everyone deserves to be satisfied at least once a day!  There's an easy way to do it, and you don't even have to leave home!"

This time it was Muraki who blinked vacantly.

"After using Herbal Essences, everything else is just a wash!"  Oriya proclaimed, then struck a pose.  Muraki wasn't sure whether he should run away screaming or just faint away on the floor.

"Can I join you?"  He asked instead.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!  Use some Herbal Essences on those minds of yours!


	10. Red Herring X

Red Herring X 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  Ten Red Herrings and over 100 reviews!  I am so happy ^T.T^  Thank you everyone for liking these so much, I enjoy writing them!  To celebrate, I give you a foursome ^n.n^ it's also kind of easy to guess what's going on, but bear with me, I promise next week will be harder ^n.n^

Pairings:  Tatsumi x Tsuzuki x Watari x Hisoka

Warnings for:  Red herrings, naughtyness all round.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"I really hope Kanoe-kacho doesn't walk in right now," Hisoka said from his position between Tsuzuki and Tatsumi.  It wasn't a particularly _bad_ position, but it was a little squashy.

"The door is locked," Tatsumi said plainly, "I wasn't going to let _anyone_ walk in on something like this, was I?  They'd be scarred for life."

"Or death, as the case may be!"  Watari chirped up, squirming around under Tsuzuki.  Hisoka decided he did need to breathe after all and tried to crawl on top of Tatsumi, which left Watari plenty of room to pop up between Tsuzuki's legs.

"Fancy meeting you here," Tatsumi noted to the green-eyed boy in his lap.  Hisoka blushed and was about to say something when he felt cold steel touch his backside.

"What the _hell!?_" He yelped, attaching himself to Tatsumi's chest.

"Ooh, Watari, is that that new invention of yours you were telling me about?"  Tsuzuki asked.  Watari mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"  Tsuzuki blinked.  Watari mumbled again.

"Take that out of your mouth and try again," Tatsumi said.  Watari did so.

"I said, yes.  It's a robotic arm I originally made for surgery, but I figured a few extra accessories wouldn't hurt."

"I don't like it," Hisoka said, then found that he'd somehow managed to get squashed between Watari and Tsuzuki, and Tsuzuki was the one on Tatsumi's lap.  Watari shrugged—or he would have, if he hadn't had Hisoka smushed up against him.  Then he put the screwdriver back in his mouth and dived back under the mass of bodies.

"I am never helping you test one of you inventions ever again!"  Tsuzuki wailed, "something always goes wrong!  This time your exercise machine didn't kill us, but it left us in this mess!  I can't even tell where I start and Tatsumi begins and Hisoka ends anymore!"

"Yes, hurry up and disassemble the stupid thing," Tatsumi growled, "I have work to be doing.  Most of which involves _cutting your funding!_"

Watari tried not to cry.  It wasn't _his_ fault that his exercise machine didn't work exactly the way he planned it.  I also wasn't his fault that it had broken down and trapped the four men in some rather awkward positions.  And it _certainly_ wasn't his fault that the other shinigami had agreed to help him test it in the first place.

They should have known better than that.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!  Go out and get some exercise!


	11. Red Herring XI

Red Herring XI 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:    Oh all right ^n.n^ You've all been very patient with me, letting me do the pairings I want to, so here some MurxTsu for you.  Even though Muraki is acting like he's on a sugar high…^O.o^ Okay, own up.  Who gave the psychotic doctor the fairy floss?

Pairings:  Muraki x Tsuzuki

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Muraki being naughty and rather OOC.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Tsuzuki was just walking around in Chijou, minding is own business.  Unfortunately, Muraki had this radar that told him whenever there was a minding-his-own-business Tsuzuki walking around in the area.

"Tsuzuki-san!  You obviously came here just to see me," Muraki beamed, appearing out of nowhere and very nearly glomping the shinigami.  Tsuzuki freaked out.

"Muraki!  What the heck!?"

"Just what _is_ that delicious smell?  It must be my Tsuzuki-san…"  Muraki purred and licked Tsuzuki's neck.

"A~ck!  Stop that!  Get off me!"

"Fufufu…you're so shy and cute!"  Muraki pressed his body up against the shinigami, his hands wandering to places they shouldn't have been.

"He…HEY!  What are you doing?  Stop touching that!"  Tsuzuki wriggled around like a worm on a hook, trying to escape the doctor's embrace.

"Stop?  Why would I want to stop, my dear Tsuzuki-san?"

"Because!  It's rude!  Quit it!"  Tsuzuki yelped, squirming around more.

"Rude?  Ah, it's that innocent, naïve attitude that attracts me to you so.  It makes me want to touch you in ways that will make you gasp in pleasure and writhe in ecstasy."

"What the heck are you smok—AIEE!  GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!"  Tsuzuki shrieked and flailed his arms around like he was trying to fly.

"Why?"  Muraki asked plainly.

"Because—EEK!  STOP TOUCHING MY BALLS!"

"I can't help it, Tsuzuki-san.  They're so…mm, you know what, I want to taste them…"

"MURAKI!  YOU FREAK!  GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Oh come now, surely you don't mean that?"  Muraki moved his face close to Tsuzuki's, and asked in a dark whisper, "just one little bite?"

"NO!  Go buy your own sweet mung bean balls!"  Tsuzuki yelled, then finally wormed out of the doctor's arms and held his bag of food close to his chest.

"But they smell so goo~d…" Muraki complained as Tsuzuki stomped off.

Honestly, it was bad enough Muraki kept trying to molest him, but now he was trying to steal his food as well?

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!


	12. Red Herring XII

Red Herring XII 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:    Finally, a non-yaoi pairing ^-.-^  Yuri instead!  ^n.n^  Come out of the closet, yuri fans!  Unite!  We must not let the yaoi and het fans take over the world without us!  =D

Pairings:  Saya x Yuma

Warnings for:  Red herrings,  Saya being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"Ooh, Yuma, it's so good!"  Saya purred.

"You like it?"  Yuma asked, pleased.

"Mm," was Saya's response, slightly muffled.  Yuma smiled, then set her own tongue back to work, wrapping around the small nub and tracing over it gently.

"Ah, Yuma!  This is…amazing…"

"I told you, didn't I?"

"You did."

Saya made an approving sound, then continued licking, savouring the taste that lingered on her tongue after each lap.

Experimentally, Saya traced her finger along the creamy contours, smiling a little as she pushed her finger in.

"Saya, what are you doing?"  Yuma asked, blinking at the other girl.

"No~thing…just go back to what you're doing," Saya giggled, pushing her finger further inside.

"Saya~!  You're not supposed to do that!"  Yuma meeped.

"Why not?"  Saya asked, surprised.

"Because, Saya.  It weirds me out, you doing something like that."

"Oh?"

"Just use your tongue, like I am."

"Like this?"

"Mm, that's right."

"You know an awful lot about this," Saya said, flicking her tongue.

"Wakaba-chan and I do this every now and then," Yuma replied.

"Wakaba-chan?"  Saya asked, shocked, "I didn't think she'd be into this sort of thing."

"Well, you don't think she spends _all_ her time with Hajime, do you?"

"Good point.  But I mean honestly, Yuma, I never thought Wakaba-chan would like ice cream and lollypops.  She bakes so much I thought she only liked baked sweets."

"Oh, she knows all the best places to get ice cream.  I think she learnt it from Tsuzuki-chan," Yuma said, sucking on her lollypop.

"I would believe that," Saya said, licking her ice cream again, "Tsuzuki-chan knows all the best places to buy sweets."

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!


	13. Red Herring XIII

Red Herring XIII 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:    Oh god, I despise this pairing.  The only reason you're getting it is because I have writers' block something shocking, and other people seem to like this pairing for some twisted, perverse reason.  Don't expect a repeat until I run out of ideas again.  I hate this pairing.  Yuck.  I need to go take a long shower now—with Herbal Essences, of course.

Pairings:  Tatsumi x Watari

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Watari being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"Come on, Tatsumi put your back into it," Watari grumbled.  Tatsumi grunted something unintelligable in reply, pushing a little harder.

"Ah!  That's it," Watari groaned, leaning into it.

Tatsumi squeezed his eyes shut in an effort to contain himself and pounded hard, causing a scream to emit from Watari's throat.

"Ahh~!  Tatsumi!  You hit it!  You hit iiiit!"

"Uff," was Tatsumi's reply.

"Harder," Watari urged, gasping for breath.  Tatsumi grunted and obliged, putting all his effort behind each thrust.  Watari's breath came in rugged gasps now, mixed with groans and strained whimpers.

"Take…take it easy," Watari choked out, "Don't go so fast…you'll break something…"

"I will not," Tatsumi retorted, breathing heavily.

"I meant on _me_," Watari replied, then yelped.  "A~h!  You hit it again!"

"You're being terribly vocal," Tatsumi growled, "Tsuzuki-san never screams like you're doing."

"I thought I made it clear I didn't want you bringing him up while we did this?"  Watari pouted.  Tatsumi turned his eyes skyward but didn't reply.  He pulled back a little then pushed forward again, letting a sound alike a moan and whimper escape.

"Come on, just a little more…" Watari gasped.  Tatsumi twitched.  He couldn't hold himself in much longer…he felt like he was going to explode.

"That is _it_," he yelled, standing up, "I'm not going to help you move your desk into your new laboratory!  I don't care _how_ much I save on removalist costs!"

"Well if you'd actually _move_ the desk and stop hitting my leg with your frustrated punches, we might actually get something _done_!"  Watari snapped.

"I was _aiming_ for the _desk_, you imbecile!  Your leg just got in the way!"

"I'm not entirely sure I believe you, there."

"Do you want me to _disassemble_ the desk for you to make it easier?"  Tatsumi threatened.

"He—hey!  Are you going to buy me a new one?"  Watari yelped.  Tatsumi muttered something impolite and stomped off.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Don't tell me you dirty YnM fans actually _enjoyed_ that.


	14. Red Herring XIV

Red Herring XIV 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:   This one isn't so much dirty as it is romantic…but a bit of variety is good, right?  *ducks all the rotten tomatoes thrown in her direction*  Come on, humour meeee T-T (Although if I may say so, I feel like a sheep now, because even though I've been a TxTxH fan for ages now, the threesome has suddenly become popular.  Damn you all for not letting me get to it first!)

Pairings:   Tatsumi + Tsuzuki + Hisoka

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Tsuzuki being all indecisive and fuzzy.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~ 

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Tsuzuki wondered just how he had ended up in this position.  Tatsumi and Hisoka both lay in front of him…he wasn't sure which one to choose.  Tatsumi was always more gentle, but Hisoka had feistiness on his side.

Not that that had anything to do with it, but Tsuzuki's mind wandered easily.

He looked at them with an equal amount of adoration, knowing that if he didn't choose soon, they'd both get snippy.  Tsuzuki felt a flutter in his stomach.  It wasn't _his_ fault he had to choose between two equally wonderful people in his life.

Or did he?

Tsuzuki grinned, pleased with his magnificent intelligence.  He'd simply have them both.  He knew neither of them would protest, they were just as comfortable with each other as they were with him.

But then came the problem of how to position them.  His first instinct was to have Tatsumi on top, since that was more fitting personality wise…but having Hisoka on top might add a touch of equality, and blur the lines of authority a bit.  Tatsumi had a tendency to be a bit overbearing sometimes, so maybe if he was on the bottom for a change…

Tsuzuki nodded to himself, pleased with this decision.  Hisoka would be on top, and Tatsumi would be on the bottom.  For a little while, at least…it would probably end up changing again later.  Power switch was good, after all.

But then second thoughts began creeping into Tsuzuki's mind.  What if Watari got jealous?  After all, he hadn't considered including the blond, but now that he thought about it, the mad scientist had just as much right to be a part of this as any of them did.

Tick, tock.  Tsuzuki realized he'd been thinking about this longer than intended.  He should just stop procrastinating.  Watari wouldn't mind too much, he was sure of it.  He could always make some excuses later if he had to.

Leaping up, Tsuzuki arranged the photos on his mantelpiece as planned, with Tatsumi on the top shelf and Hisoka beneath.  Then he ran out the door at top speed.  The two of them always got niggly when he was late for work.

~~~

What were you thinking?  *hides from the dirty YnM fans* Next week will be better, I promise!  *ducks a tomato*  Hey~!  Don't waste food!


	15. Red Herring XV

Red Herring XV 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  People have been asking for Terazuma for a while now…I had intended to do him a lot sooner, but then I got writers' block, and then I got sick…aw heck people, just gimme some slack y'know?  Anyway, here is your Terazuma.

**Yay, 15 Red Herrings!  **That means I'm halfway to my goal of 30.  To celebrate...I'm taking another week off.  No RH next week!  (I know, I'm cruel.  Hate mail can be sent to Tatsumi, he'll file them away for me.)

Pairings:  Terazuma x Watari, because I seem to have a sick fascination with the (non-existent) pairing.

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Terazuma being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"Oi, Terazuma, be careful with that will you?"  Watari winced.

"I AM being careful," Terazuma grumbled back, tightening his grip.  Watari winced again.

"That's...really delicate equipment," Watari tried again.  Terazuma ignored him, his fist wrapped around Watari's shaft possessively.

"You were the one who told me I should try this," Terazuma retorted.

"Ye-es, but be gentle!  How would you like it if someone treated yours like that?"

Terazuma paused and thought about that for a moment.

"I mean it's good you're open to trying this and all, but just be careful!"  Watari said, forcibly loosening Terazuma's grip a little bit.

"I'm sorry," Terazuma mumbled, "I...I guess I'm just..."

"Nervous?"  Watari offered helpfully.

"Yeah."

"Most people are the first time they try it.  Just relax."

"Right."

"Now, you gonna be gentle?"

"Yeah.  Sorry."  Terazuma cricked his neck and wrapped his hand around the erect member again—but much, much more carefully this time.

"Use slow motions at first," Watari offered.  Terazuma nodded and eased his hand up and around the rod gently, making circular motions.

"That's it," Watari encouraged, "use your wrist a bit more.  Tha~t's it.  All the movement should come from the wrist and arm, that way it's more accurate and the pressure is lighter and less painful."

"Like this?"

"Exactly like that...wow, you're a natural."

"Glad you approve," Terazuma said gruffly, "but aren't you taking this just a little too scientifically?"

"_Too_ scientifically?"  Watari sniffed.  "Science is everything!"

"Funny, but I was under the impression this was for recreation...you know, for pleasure," Terazuma deadpanned.

"Well yeah, but I can analyse it as we do it, right?"

"Do you _have_ to?  It makes me nervous."

"It's just a computer game, Terazuma, relax.  And you're gripping the joystick too hard again."

"Sorry."

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans!


	16. Red Herring XVI

Red Herring XVI 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  Credit for the idea behind this one goes to a great many fanfic authors.  Remind me that whenever I'm running low on ideas, I just need to join a chat room.

Pairings:  Ghuh, this is a hard one.  Uhm, well it's Tsuzuki x Hisoka, but Tatsumi is...uh...cleaning Hisoka?...oh, just read it already.

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Hisoka being victimized.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

Tatsumi looked up as the door to the break room opened and his jaw dropped.

"Kurosaki-kun...what happened!?"

"Tsuzuki blew his load on me...or can't you tell?"  Hisoka sulked, his eyes squeezed shut as he groped around randomly looking for a towel.

"Hold still," Tatsumi said, getting up.  He picked up a nearby cloth and started wiping at the sticky mess on Hisoka's face.

"How did this happen?"  Tatsumi asked as he tried to get the muck off the pale skin—which was proving more difficult than he would have thought.

"Well he was...you know...I told him he really shouldn't do that in the office, but I guess I got too close when I was talking to him, because it just burst all over me..."

"I see."

"It even went in my mouth—YUCK.  I didn't mean for that to happen.  I'll make note to stand a long way back from him and keep my mouth shut if I ever catch him at it again."

"You didn't swallow any, did you?"  Tatsumi asked, concerned, "It will probably make you sick if you did."

"I don't want to know how you know that," Hisoka replied, repressing the urge to gag.  "But no, I didn't swallow any.  I spat it out."

"Smart move."

"It was disgusting."

"I know."

"Again, I really don't want to know how."

"I've gotten most of it off," Tatsumi said finally, "I think you may want to go have a shower when you go home, though."

"I'll do that.  Hey, Tatsumi-san?"

"Yes?"

"Could you talk to Tsuzuki about doing that in the office?  I mean, it's really distracting...and not really appropriate, either."

Tatsumi sighed and adjusted his glasses.

"I've tried talking to him about it, believe me.  But you know what he's like."

"But he'll listen to _you_."

"Not really," Tatsumi smiled, "he's contrary that way."

"But honestly," Hisoka grumbled, "What kind of person chews bubblegum all day?"

"It's better than him sucking on lollypops," Tatsumi shrugged.  Hisoka gave the secretary a look, then decided that he really didn't need to know why.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Go chew on something, you dirty YnM fans!


	17. Red Herring XVII

Red Herring XVII 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  Sorry about the wait...unfortunately, I've really lost interest in these.  They'll update if I feel like it now, instead of weekly.  I'm sorry, but...well, if I'm not interested, I'm not interested.  ~_~

Pairings:  Watari x Hisoka

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Watari being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"Watari-san, I'm really not sure about this..."  Hisoka bit his lip as Watari positioned himself ever so carefully over the boy.

"Relax, Bon," Watari chirped, "I'll make this as painless as possible."

Truly, Watari had been very careful.  He'd taken all necessary precautions to ensure everyone's safety, even though as shinigami a lot of the rules didn't apply to them any more.  But this was still Watari, and things always managed to go wrong around him.  No matter how slowly they took this, or how careful they were, Hisoka still felt that something might slip and he'd end up getting hurt.

"Just...be careful," Hisoka said, wincing as Watari nearly fell on top of him, but catching himself just in time.

"I'm always careful," Watari said cheerily, and started pushing gently.  "Nuts, this is tighter than I thought."

"Watari-san...why don't you, you know...jiggle it a bit?  Might make it easier?"  Hisoka offered shakily.

"Good idea," Watari said, wriggling a bit in an effort to get things sliding into the holes they were supposed to slide into.

"There!  Got it," Watari said gleefully.

"It's going to pop out," Hisoka said with a worried tone.

"No, it won't," Watari replied, gritting his teeth and pushing again.

"Don't push too hard!  You'll break something!"  Hisoka yelped.

"I know what I'm doing."

"No, you don't!"

"Just gotta...get it going, and we'll be fine from there," Watari said between gritted teeth.  He was doing his best not to lose control, but there were always elements of uncertainty in things like this.

"Watari-san, I...I don't feel too good about this..."

"Stop worrying, Bon.  Just relax, will you?  You're trembling, and it's affecting me."

"I'm sorry!  But you're going to mess this up."

"I am NOT!  Now will you PLEASE just hold the ladder steady?  This lightbulb isn't going to replace itself."

"Normal people don't have this much trouble screwing in a lightbulb, Watari-san!"  Hisoka sighed.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans ^_~


	18. Red Herring XVIII

Red Herring XVIII 

Author:  Supreme Overlord Erin-chan

Rating:  G.  Anything else is in your dirty little minds.

Disclaimer:  Matsushita-sensei is too smart to do things like this to her own characters...which means they're not mine.  Sigh.

Notes:  What, ho?  The Supreme Overlord appears with a Red Herring?  Hallelujah!  And there was rejoicing in the hearts of the dirty YnM fans.  Unfortunately, I'm not back to a weekly schedule.  I'm still doing these "when I feel like it".  Please understand :)

Pairings:  Tatsumi x Hisoka

Warnings for:  Red herrings, Hisoka being naughty.

If you would like to archive this story on your web site, please drop me an email at littlevornskr@hotmail.com. I'll probably say "Yes yes yes I love you please do it yay!"

~~~

"Hisoka~!"  Tsuzuki beamed his smile through the doorway of the office.  Hisoka looked up and glared at him as though being happy was the worst possible insult someone could throw at him today.  Which it kind of was.

"Where have you _been!?_"  The empath snarled.  Tsuzuki sprouted puppy ears and submissively hid behind a desk somewhere.

"I'm sorry," he whimpered, "what did I do wrong this time?"

"You were supposed to come in here and help me with this paperwork!"  Hisoka snapped, rubbing his temples.  "But no, you were off somewhere.  So I was sitting here, all alone, doing paperwork.  It's just as well Tatsumi-san came in to keep me company, or I would have gone mad."

"Tatsumi helped you?"  Tsuzuki asked, puppy ears perking up.

"Yes," Hisoka sighed, looking out the window at the cherry blossoms.  Tsuzuki arched an eyebrow, then slithered up next to the young man.

"Hisoka, are you okay?"

"What does it matter to you?"  Hisoka asked, annoyed.  "At least Tatsumi-san cares about my welfare.  He cares a lot, in fact.  He knew exactly how to stimulate me, get me to open up a bit."

"Stimulate?"  Tsuzuki asked, his eye twitching.

"Yes," Hisoka breathed.  "It was kind of weird at first, having him help me like that...I squirmed a little, and papers got everywhere.  Not that I really noticed at the time.  He had me screaming like nothing on earth.  It felt so good, I can't possibly explain it to you...I'm surprised you didn't hear me, wherever you were."

Tsuzuki's mouth had fallen open.  His eye was still twitching.

"He was really good about it afterwards, too," Hisoka continued, gazing out the window again.  "He stroked my hair and relaxed me, you know?  Told me that I was just like him when he was younger.  Told me that if I ever wanted to do it again, I could just ask him.  I guess he really does like me, huh?"

"Hisoka..."  Was all that Tsuzuki could choke out.  "Tatsumi...did _that_ to you?"

"Huh?"  Hisoka grunted confusedly, looking back down at his papers.  "He didn't do anything to me.  He told me I could rant and rave and scream about how annoying you were, and then he just calmed me down when it was all over.  It felt great.  What the hell did you _think_ we were doing?"

Tsuzuki just fizzled and melted onto the floor.

~~~

What were you thinking?  Dirty YnM fans ^_~


End file.
